This is a tough one for me to write about honestly, because I’ve always been uncomfortable with criticism, to the point where the fear of it has held me back from sharing my writing with others. I can handle criticism in virtually every other area of my life, but when it comes to my creative writing, I am extremely thin-skinned.
I would guess this is largely because writing is such a personal thing for me and it’s a huge part of my identity, as I expect it is for many of yours. Furthermore, it’s a deep and poignant expression of what I’m thinking and feeling, so if it’s criticized, or God forbid, rejected altogether, then what does that say about me? What if, even at my best, I’m unable to attain the approval of my critics? Does that make me a complete failure as a writer, and if so, who am I if I’m not a writer?
These are the insecurities that have plagued me for most of my life and regrettably, have held me back from ever really trying. I’ve been too scared of my critics to even take a shot. But as my fellow writer Misha recently pointed out in her article for Gumption magazine, you either are a writer, or you’re not, there’s no such thing as “aspiring”. This was a brand-new concept for me as I’ve defined myself as an “aspiring writer” for many years, largely I expect, because I was too afraid too call myself an actual “writer”. It somehow seemed arrogant and a bit presumptuous; after all, what have I ever actually written to call myself a writer? I’d held up that label of “writer” as if it was some lofty title I had to earn, when in fact, it’s just something I had to do.
As much of a personal challenge as this has been for me, I don’t feel I’m alone in this. I believe the fear of criticism holds most of us back from doing the things we think we might be good at because, if we don’t try, we can’t fail, right? But the truth is, we’ve automatically failed simply by not trying; the only way we can ever succeed at anything is by giving it our best shot, learning from our mistakes and not giving up. And that’s where learning to accept criticism well can make us better writers, because without it, how will we ever improve? How can we be our best if we don’t have our critics telling us where we’ve fallen short?
After some reading and research, here are the top five best tips I’ve found on learning to handle criticism:
- Detach from your critic. They are not criticizing you, they’re simply commenting on your writing. To them it’s not a personal investment of time, thought and energy, it’s just a product. Their rejection does not decrease your value as a person, any more than their approval inflates it. Your writing may be a by-product of who you are, but it’s not YOU. Your worth as a human being does not ebb & flow based on the opinions of others.
- Remember that your critic is a reader. You’re writing for more than just yourself, you’re writing for your readers, and your critic’s comments reflect a reader’s point of view. As a writer, your characters may be more fully developed in your mind than they are on paper, or you may have assumed the reader knows what you’re trying to say even though you haven’t expressed it. A critic can view your subject with fresh eyes. Try to really listen and and hear the merits of the criticism, then think about the changes you can make that will effectively address your critic’s concerns.
- Enlist the opinions of multiple critics. One critic’s point of view may be widely held by others, or it may not. Don’t assume if one person doesn’t like your writing then no one will. Rather view each individual negative comment as a warning that your writing may need some adjusting. By enlisting the help of other critics, you will be able to find what universally resonates and what doesn’t. If three or four people respond the same way and share similar concerns, then you’ll know where you are in most need of improvement.
- Ask questions. Asking questions and eliciting more specific feedback will help you understand exactly what the critic is saying and additionally, will make your critic feel appreciated and heard. Effective criticism, even if it’s hard to take, will make you a better writer.
- Some people just aren’t your audience. Don’t feel you have to accept every criticism that is thrown at you. Be sure to use your best judgment when weighing in on each bit of criticism. Sometimes your critic may not respond favourably to your style or genre of writing because their specific tastes differ too dramatically from yours. By being emotionally detached, respectful of your critics and sincerely open to their opinions, your instincts will tell you what feedback is worth pursuing and what is not.
I’ll leave you with this final thought: Simply by taking the action to write something, this makes you a writer. It is not something to aspire to, it is what you are. But then the question becomes whether or not you’re a “good writer”. As scary as this may seem, it is something you will never know unless you are prepared to elicit feedback from others. Remember that putting your pride and your insecurities aside and accepting criticism will only help you to become better. Just give it your best shot and see what happens!
Good luck and happy writing!
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