Handling Criticism: It Doesn’t Have to Break You

This is a tough one for me to write about honestly, because I’ve always been uncomfortable with criticism, to the point where the fear of it has held me back from sharing my writing with others.  I can handle criticism in virtually every other area of my life, but when it comes to my creative writing, I am extremely thin-skinned.

I would guess this is largely because writing is such a personal thing for me and it’s a huge part of my identity, as I expect it is for many of yours.  Furthermore, it’s a deep and poignant expression of what I’m thinking and feeling, so if it’s criticized, or God forbid, rejected altogether, then what does that say about me?   What if, even at my best, I’m unable to attain the approval of my critics?  Does that make me a complete failure as a writer, and if so, who am I if I’m not a writer?

These are the insecurities that have plagued me for most of my life and regrettably, have held me back from ever really trying.  I’ve been too scared of my critics to even take a shot.  But as my fellow writer Misha recently pointed out in her article for Gumption magazine, you either are a writer, or you’re not, there’s no such thing as “aspiring”.  This was a brand-new concept for me as I’ve defined myself as an “aspiring writer” for many years, largely I expect, because I was too afraid too call myself an actual “writer”.  It somehow seemed arrogant and a bit presumptuous; after all, what have I ever actually written to call myself a writer?  I’d held up that label of “writer” as if it was some lofty title I had to earn, when in fact, it’s just something I had to do.

As much of a personal challenge as this has been for me, I don’t feel I’m alone in this.  I believe the fear of criticism holds most of us back from doing the things we think we might be good at because, if we don’t try, we can’t fail, right?  But the truth is, we’ve automatically failed simply by not trying; the only way we can ever succeed at anything is by giving it our best shot, learning from our mistakes and not giving up.  And that’s where learning to accept criticism well can make us better writers, because without it, how will we ever improve?  How can we be our best if we don’t have our critics telling us where we’ve fallen short?

After some reading and research, here are the top five best tips I’ve found on learning to handle criticism:

  1. Detach from your critic.  They are not criticizing you, they’re simply commenting on your writing.  To them it’s not a personal investment of time, thought and energy, it’s just a product.  Their rejection does not decrease your value as a person, any more than their approval inflates it.  Your writing may be a by-product of who you are, but it’s not YOU.  Your worth as a human being does not ebb & flow based on the opinions of others.
  2. Remember that your critic is a reader.  You’re writing for more than just yourself, you’re writing for your readers, and your critic’s comments reflect a reader’s point of view.    As a writer, your characters may be more fully developed in your mind than they are on paper, or you may have assumed the reader knows what you’re trying to say even though you haven’t expressed it.  A critic can view your subject with fresh eyes.  Try to really listen and and hear the merits of the criticism, then think about the changes you can make that will effectively address your critic’s concerns.
  3. Enlist the opinions of multiple critics.  One critic’s point of view may be widely held by others, or it may not.   Don’t assume if one person doesn’t like your writing then no one will.  Rather view each individual negative comment as a warning that your writing may need some adjusting.  By enlisting the help of other critics, you will be able to find what universally resonates and what doesn’t.  If three or four people respond the same way and share similar concerns, then you’ll know where you are in most need of improvement.
  4. Ask questions.  Asking questions and eliciting more specific feedback will help you understand exactly what the critic is saying and additionally, will make your critic feel appreciated and heard.  Effective criticism, even if it’s hard to take, will make you a better writer.
  5. Some people just aren’t your audience.  Don’t feel you have to accept every criticism that is thrown at you.  Be sure to use your best judgment when weighing in on each bit of criticism.  Sometimes your critic may not respond favourably to your style or genre of writing because their specific tastes differ too dramatically from yours.  By being emotionally detached, respectful of your critics and sincerely open to their opinions, your instincts will tell you what feedback is worth pursuing and what is not.

I’ll leave you with this final thought:  Simply by taking the action to write something, this makes you a writer.  It is not something to aspire to, it is what you are.   But then the question becomes whether or not you’re a “good writer”.   As scary as this may seem, it is something you will never know unless you are prepared to elicit feedback from others.  Remember that putting your pride and your insecurities aside and accepting criticism will only help you to become better.   Just give it your best shot and see what happens!

Good luck and happy writing!

Quote of the day:

robin sharma

Venice

Hello reader. and welcome to my very first blog post!

Many years ago, when I was an impressionable 20-something, full of zest for life and a desire to be adventurous, I discovered a deep fascination for the city of Venice.   It strikes me as such a beautifully unique city, with its remarkable architecture and Renaissance palaces, moonlit waterways lined with gondolas paddled by swarthy Italian men in their distinctive black & white-striped shirts, and the mysterious allure of its old world charm.   Everything about it appeals to the romantic in me and perhaps that is why it seems to be the sort of place where my creative energies would spring to life.

In all honesty, as naturally drawn as I am to Venice’s rich culture and historical beauty, I think the image I have of myself sitting in the Piazza San Marco drinking a rich cup of coffee may have been influenced by a Woody Allen movie I saw a long time ago.  I can’t recall the name of it and for the purpose of this story, I suppose it doesn’t really matter, but what I remember of it, Woody’s character is an aspiring writer who lives in a simply furnished loft in Venice with a window that overlooks a beautiful view of the city.  The best feature of the room is a wooden desk with an old-timey typewriter, his character being one who, much like me, despises modern technology.  He expresses his contempt for computers when he is criticized for using a typewriter, and although I’m not typically a fan of Woody Allen’s stammering, neurotic rants, that one instantly resonated with me .  In fact, everything about that environment struck me as completely idyllic.  I remember little else about that movie except that one particular scene, but it has been vividly burnt into my memory ever since.

For me, Venice represents creative awakening, a resurgence of prolific energies that I know are still buried deep inside my psyche somewhere, but have just been obscured by years of carelessness and neglect.  As long as I can remember, I’ve loved to write, and I’ve had a sincere fascination with the English language (even the boring bits, like grammar and punctuation).  I was just never confident enough in myself to make an earnest go of it, opting instead for safe, steady jobs instead of pursuing my creative ambitions.   I always told myself that “one day” I would be a writer, but for one reason or another, I kept putting it off.   I expect it was partly because I was scared to put myself out into the world in a way that would expose my vulnerabilities and potentially set me up for failure, but it was also largely due to the simple fact that I didn’t know where to start.

My friend Ed Harcourt once said to me, “If you want to be a writer, write”.  Although at the time I felt his advice was overly simplistic and not taking into consideration the many potential pitfalls of being a writer, I’ve since realized that’s really the only way to go about it.   Whether you decide to take a creative writing course, join a writing club, start a blog or just scribble your thoughts down in a journal, whatever you decide to do, just write.  And if you’re anything like me, writing pretty much anything will reignite your passion for it and feed your soul.

As for Venice, it’s still just a fantasy, but one that I think about every day.   My sister-in-law Debbie visited Venice last year, and she brought me back this snow globe.  It sits on my dresser where I see it at least half a dozen times each day.  It helps keep me going, when real life starts to feel a bit too mundane and ordinary.

2014-09-21 23.10.28

Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be sipping a Bellini in my loft while my ink-stained fingers pound on the keys of my creaky old typewriter, or I’ll be strolling across a cobblestone path, on my way to see an Italian opera at the prestigious Teatro la Fenice.  But for the time being, I’m happy just to write.  Venice is after all, just a place to write.   The act of writing is something you can do anytime for any reason, no matter who you are, where you live or how you feel.

I wish you the best of luck on your own writing journey and I encourage you to “just write”!  I welcome your feedback, so should you have any topics in particular you may wish me to research or discuss, please let me know!

Quote of the Day:  “Whether or not you write well, write bravely.”  — Bill Stout

 

(*For more information on Venice, go to:  http://www.venice-tourism.com/en/visit-venice.html)

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